How were the Kids? “Perfect. After all, they are MY grandchildren”

How were the Kids? “Perfect. After all, they are MY grandchildren”

When our children are in the care of others (Teachers, Babysitters, Family etc.) and we pick them up, we always ask “How were they?”

Well let me ask you this…. when you ask that question….do you REALLY want to know the answer? 

With regard to family, and I’m VERY LUCKY because I have a hands-on family most of whom live within a 5 mile radius of me, depending on which family member has been watching the kids, I can predict the answer:

      Dad (aka Grandpa)

• My Dad is the best Dad in the world.  He loves his children, my sisters and I, unconditionally but until I gave him grandchildren, I never knew how expendable I truly was. Grandchildren are the fiber of his being and anyone that knows him, has met him, will meet him in the future or happens to be employed at Costco (his FAVORITE store on the planet) will inevitably know every detail about his grandchildren- their names, ages, grade in school, reading level, mathematic and basketball ability and favorite food (Are you getting the picture???).  According to him, these 5 children, and any additional who are yet to come, will each grow up to be President, they will together, find a cure for cancer and they will each be enshrined in Canton, Cooperstown and Springfield (for those of you who don’t know the significance of these cities, they are home to the Football, Baseball and Basketball Halls of Fame, respectively).

So…it stands to reason, that if I’ve left my kids with my Dad for any length of time, when I pick them up and ask “How were they?” , his answer will always be a simple “Perfect. After all, they are MY grandchildren”.  And that’s it.  Someone could have lit the garbage on fire and bleached the dining room carpet, and his answer will not change.  It’s ridiculous almost infuriating to the point that  I actually walk out of his house muttering to myself about how he NEVER would’ve let me get away with whatever he lets them get away with, whatever that is since I’ve already told you, I’ll never know.

      Mom (aka Grandma)

• My Mom, on the other hand, is an excellent counter- balance to my Dad.  She too adores her grandchildren taking great pride in each and every one of their accomplishments.  However, as it was when I was a kid, my Mom is the “heavy” as I suppose many Moms/Grandmothers are in their own families.  If there’s discipline to be doled out, it ain’t coming from Grandpa so it’s left for her to handle…which stinks sometimes.   

She’s fun and creative and has boundless energy which is a good thing considering, in reality, when the kids are with Grandma and Grandpa….Grandma is really the one doing all of the “heavy lifting” ie cooking, homework, and kissing boo-boos.  And while she won’t dime them out in any great detail when I ask her “How were they?”, she will give me snip-its of truth related only to the things she thinks it’s important that I know i.e. Darby might be hungry later b/c she didn’t eat anything for dinner or you need to make sure you stain-stick Zachary’s pants ASAP b/c he just happened to “fall” on a permanent maker. 

My Mom runs circles around me for sure …she’s a stop-what-she’s-doing and  sit on the floor to play a game, and a stay-up-late and watch movies and eat popcorn, and a have ice cream for breakfast kind of Grandma but, she’s also a reliable source of info. about the children when I’m not there to be with them in-person.  I always trust what she tells me, and I trust that anything she didn't mention ireally wasn’t important for me to know. I love that.

Sisters (aka The Aunts)

My sister Emily falls into the same category as my Dad.  She will NEVER release information that might incriminate one of her precious Nieces or Nephews. NEVER.  It’s not even worth wasting the breath it takes to ask “How were they?” because whatever they did, she’s taking it to the grave…and they know it.  Sometimes I think I should get Emily and the kids matching satin jackets with an embroidered name on the back just to show their solidarity….they are their own gang and she is their Leader.  Dad is perhaps, their mascot.   Aunt Emily always comes through in the clutch and I ALWAYS trust that she can handle any situation thrown her way....and I also trust that anything she can't handle, will be cleaned up really well to the point that I'll never know it happened:)

My sisters Jodi and Perri, are more in line with my Mom.  They are funloving and crazy and active and outgoing but they can put on the Authority Hat when necessary.  Again, they would never give me any information that might get someone into trouble but they will let me know snipits, when it’s something they think is important. 

 

In fairness, I have to assess myself as I now have a Niece and a Nephew of my own (courtesy of Jodi).  I think I fall more in line with my Mom, I’m pretty honest about what happens on my watch, BUT, I expect that my Sister trusts that I handled any situation that may have arisen while the kids were with me and therefore no one is getting into any trouble at home, as a result of anything that happened with me…because that’s just not fun.

When I started my family, my parents were clear with my Husband and I that while discipline is important, the rules at my house are just that.   And the rules at their house aren’t necessarily the same…nor should they be.  There are certain privileges that come with Grandparenthood and I’m reminded of that on a near daily basis (by my parents).

I’ve mentioned it before in my posts…..It definitely takes a village.  I’m so lucky because my village is available on a moment’s notice, to step in when I can’t be at a school show or when the big game happens to coincide with a big meeting.  Regardless of what I’m told or not told about “how they were”, I never worry about what goes on when I’m not there because I trust that they (even my Dad) are handling situations as they arise and I also trust that my kids respect their grandparents and Aunts and Uncles, as they do their parents. 

So if one of my kids spills an ice cream on someone’s dog and I don’t find out about it…so what.  After a long day of work, when I finally get to pick up my kids to head home and after I’ve thanked whichever Village-member has so graciously helped me out yet again by stepping in with the kids…. As I turn back and causally toss out that last “How were they?” to be honest, all I was really hoping to hear anyway was “They were fine”.   

Note To Self…Wear More Blush To Birthday Parties

There’s a certain pattern to conversation topics that make their way around the birthday-party circuit. 

Right about this time of year, the popular subject is “What’s little Bobby going to be doing this Summer?”

The first time I was asked this question as it pertained to my 2 children, a sudden pang of panic overcame me and I felt the color in my face start to drain (note to self…wear more blush to birthday parties)…I suddenly bolted towards the birthday cake and started offering my assistance with slice distribution…anything to remove myself from the conversation.

Why the worry?

While Summer is supposed to be a carefree few months of warm weather, sunshine, day-trips and the Ice-Cream Man….for working parents everywhere it becomes something akin to a giant connect-the-dots puzzle where the object remains the same as it is the other 9 months of the year-  To have your children safely cared for between the working hours.  Throw in the challenge of trying to make sure their Summer is full of fun and frolic AND doing it in a cost-effective manner, and you mine as well call the Army Corps of Engineers for help cause this is going to be a project.

Seriously…this process is enough for me to lobby Washington for a year-round school schedule and in my free-time, I just might.

So let’s discuss some of the options:

• Traditional Summer Camps- Harkening back to the days of swinging vines over a lake, and arts and crafts in a wall-less “tent”, many Summer camps haven’t changed much since the days when you or I might have slapped on some sun block, hopped on the big yellow bus and headed for the Great Outdoors…and for good reason.  There’s an appeal that is as strong today as ever, to children spending their Summer days outside involved in a variety of activities (the key part of that word being “active”)- from swimming to sports to theatre to arts and crafts, traditional Summer camps offer it all

Perks:

Very often, transportation and lunch are included with the cost of the camp

Drawbacks:

Your children may leave after, and return home before, the traditional work-day would start or end, thus requiring a plan for supplemental beginning/end of day care or a modification to your work schedule.

• “Day Care Camps”-  Very often, the day cares where you send your children during the year, switch gears and morph into a “camp” from June-August.  While the hours that the camp is open are the same as the hours the day care is open, they swap out more organized or academic programs for a less stringent and  more relaxed group of activities.  Very often, they provide small pools for water-play and allow extra time for outdoor activities.

Perks:

If your children already attend the daycare at which the “camp” will be held, then they are already comfortable with the staff and surroundings and there will be no adjustment period.

Drawbacks:

There’s often an additional fee of some sort associated with the “camp”

• Overnight/Travel Camps- For those of us who are daring enough to send our kids out of town for the Summer, overnight  and travel camps offer a wide-range of programs and specialties making it easy to find a camp geared towards the interests of your particular child

Perks:

Your child will experience what is very often their first taste of independence (please note, this could also very well fall under the “drawbacks” section)

The camps operate 24/7 thus eliminating any scheduling conflicts with work

Drawbacks:

Overnight/travel camps are typically the most expensive options for the Summer and also might include additional costs associated with transportation to and from the camp (i.e. plane fare)

As you embark down the path of “What’s Bobby going to do this Summer”…I wish you good luck and lots of patience.  Very often, it takes a million phone calls to get the answers to seemingly basic questions.

However, once you’ve found the right option for your children, you’ll take pride in hopefully seeing them bound off to camp with an enthusiasm unparalleled by any day at school/ day care….heck, you’ll probably find yourself trying to scheme your own way onto the big yellow school bus for a day in the woods making popsicle-stick figurines.


Sincerely,


The Working Mom (aka Heidi)

From the Desk of the Working Mom - Hold The Morning Muffin…..

I turned on my television the other morning to hear the news that said (something to the effect of…)

                       

New research shows that children of Moms who work (regardless of marital status) show an increased rate of obesity

In listening to the report, I felt myself split into 2, separate but equal parts both of which were peering through the threshold into my family room, to where my kids were watching a video and evaluating their physical “shape”…that is until I slapped myself.

One part of me was sad while the other was irate (the irate side won the battle and prevails as my standpoint on this subject).

Anything that starts with “Women who choose to pursue a career….” is going to be a tough pill for me to swallow, and on this morning, true to form….That statement is where Ms. Irate started to gain her stronghold.

Don’t shoot the messenger….

 Listen here you woman with the perfectly coiffed hair and  airbrushed makeup speaking to me from in front of the fake NYC street-scape…for most of the women I know who work full-time outside of the house (and there are MANY!), there was not much of a “choice” involved…unless you consider feeding, housing & clothing their families a “choice.” 

In so many of the relationships that surround me, both adult partners in the household must maintain employment outside of the home, in order to keep the household going and keep the family together.   In the families I know headed by a single Parent, the need of that parent (regardless of their gender) to maintain employment outside of the home becomes even that much more critical.

That being said, I was also angered by the fact that the child-obesity statistic at the heart of the report centered upon “Mothers who work”…to say nothing of the Fathers who work.  Are you kidding me?  So now….not only am I responsible for the overall denigration of the fabric of the American family, but I’m also literally tipping the scales for my kids????  What’s next…I shot J.R.?

 A POUND of Panic is worth….

Buried until the VERY end of the segment was the fact that the increase in weight at the heart of this study, amounted to about 1 pound per child.  So really, what amounts to a child indulging in an extra scoop of mint chocolate chip, is what ALERTED the media to the pending doom we Working Moms are subjecting our children?

Every time I read or hear about a guilt-laiden “study” such as this one, I immediately think “Oh right, silly me, I should’ve known 15 years ago that having/raising healthy and happy children and working to provide for those children, was an “either/or” situation.  I missed that in the parenting manual that came strapped to my child’s arm on delivery day.

In any case…back to the morning muffin and here’s to no more morning television!

Sincerely,

The Working Mom

From the Desk of the Working Mom...Purple Gloves and other ponderings

While I was in the car with my family the other night, my daughter could be heard saying (with her mouth turned in a frown and in her best, most pathetic sounding voice)

"Mom, I NEED a pair of purple gloves".

My 5 year old son quickly chimed in "You WANT a pair of purple gloves, you don't NEED them".


Intrigued that he'd made the distinction, I asked him what the difference was between Need and Want.  He said "A need is something you need to survive but something you want is just something that would be nice to have". 

Pretty astute I thought, and it got me thinking about needing and wanting, in terms of my own professional/personal life.

I remember, very clearly, as an early 20-something just starting out on my own and in the workforce, how every so often I'd think to myself "Wow...I NEED a vacation" or "I need a new handbag or a skirt or a stereo" etc. etc. etc.  My needs (or so I thought) were many, but my funds were few.  

As I've gotten older, and life has changed with the addition of more challenging positions at work combined with a Husband and now 2 children, it's funny how my needs and wants have changed dramatically.  What I thought I needed in my 20s, I really just wanted...the vacation, the handbag etc.

As life situations get more complicated, those same things really do become needs.  A vacation, just for the sake of getting out of town, is something I aspire to take however these days, my vacation is typically spent catching up on any outstanding errands/appointments/chores that I haven't gotten to since my last "vacation".  You certainly won’t find a picture of the kids and me waiting on line at the DMV for my registration renewal, to appear on any of the destination brochures you see at the travel agency…and if you do, let me know- they owe me royalties!

You know how "staycations" have become all the rage in this latest economic downturn?  Well I've been doing staycations for the last 6+ years!  Who knew I was a trend-setter?

But at the same time as it seems nearly impossible to take a vacation in the traditional sense of the word, I probably need one now more than ever.  I, as I’m certain is the case with most adults, could really use a few days to disconnect from all of the daily goings on, and just sit somewhere…on a beach perhaps,  with no responsibilities other than relaxation.

As for handbags....who needs a new one of those (even when you’re schlepping around with a broken strap and missing clasp) when there are Playstations and Pillow Pets, Barbies and bicycles…let alone school tuition, daycare, food and the list goes on and on and on?

For a while, I tried to deny the shift in my reality.  In my own mind, I insisted that my wants (the new shoes, highlights for my hair etc) were equally as addressed as those of every other member of my family- clearly that’s not the case yet surprisingly, I’m perfectly ok with that.

It’s the needs…..taking a break just to do nothing, that I’m working on addressing.  I think those things or better yet NOT doing those things, will in the long-run sabotage my best-efforts at personal and professional success.

I think that we, as dynamic professionals with dynamic personal lives, can do it all and make it all work…but making it work takes work and that’s a concept that I struggle with each and every day.

How about you?

-The WM (aka Heidi)

From the Desk of The Working Mom..... "Take the escalator….take the help”

I love a good escalator.


It’s a well-established fact about me….. If there’s a stairwell and an escalator right there next it, I can guarantee you that 100% of the time…I’m taking the escalator.

I thought about this, this morning as I was making my usual commute into my office via the NJ-PA train line I take every day. As I approached the part of the station where there is an escalator next to a stairwell, I watched a few of my fellow commuters running up the steps and I thought to myself (as I boarded my moving staircase to the sky) “No way….I'm taking this escalator because it’s the littlest bit of help I’m going to get during my rush into the office this morning. Exercise be damned!"

Once I was seated on my train, I thought about it again (in writing this…I’m beginning to think that I think about escalators WAY too much) …”Take the escalator…take the help”. Like a weird chant heard at a political convention…. "Take the escalator….take the help”.

In this day in age, everyone is in a hurry…overwhelmed with responsibility….worried about the finances (personal and global)….concerned about our communities and the list goes on, and on, and on and then on some more.

Sometimes I think that when I spend so much of my time focusing on the “big problems”, most of which I have no control over, I forget that I do have some control over the smaller issues I face on a day to day basis.

I think that very often, in an effort to keep myself running on the treadmill that is my life, I’m afraid to accept an offer of help (someone offering to pick up one of my kids for a playdate or someone offering to help with one of my Room-Mother projects, or someone offering to help me with a situation at work etc.) for fear that it will somehow catapult me off the treadmill only to take me that much longer to get back on and get balanced again.

Sidebar....I once did get "catapulted" off of an actual treadmill when I set the speed too high in an effort to keep up with the MUCH more in-shape people running next to me at the gym.  It wasn't pretty.  I haven't shown my face in that gym ever since.

I have no problem offering my help to someone in need, and yet I think twice before accepting the help myself.  This is RIDICULOUS....and I need to realize that right now.

It does “take a village”…and sometimes, the village finds you before you find it, often in the form of someone extending an offer of assistance.  I’m not suggesting that everyone should rely on the help of others to accomplish their daily routine (job, role etc.).  I’m simply suggesting that accepting a little bit of help when it’s offered, or asking for a little bit of help when it’s needed, isn’t going to somehow impair our success at being a parent, employee, spouse etc. In fact, it’s much more likely to make us better.

Sincerely,

The Working Mom (aka Heidi)

From The Desk Of The Working Mom and Her Working Kids...

If you're anything like me, you're always searching for ways to shave minutes off of your morning routine in an attempt to NOT have to set the alarm any earlier than it's already set. I treasure every second of every minute that I am able to sleep...allbeit with a stray elbow or knee shoved into my back on the nights when we get a visitor (or 2) in the middle of the night.

In my ongoing quest to be more efficient and less crazed in the morning, I borrowed a tip from one of my Daughter's teachers. In her class, everyone has a "job". There's the "line leader" and there's also the "end of the line leader". There's the child who gets to supervise cleanup after lunch and the child in charge of pushing in the chairs at the tables.  Rumor has it that the cleanup kid is mighty quick to dispose of your uneatens, so if you want those Cheez-Its than you'd better get to it.

My Daughter's favorite job is the "end of the line leader" and when I asked her why, she told me...because the end of the line leader gets to turn off the lights before the class leaves the room.  To a 3 year-old, flipping that light switch is a VERY big deal.

So back to thinking about being less crazed in the morning......."Ahaa" I thought. Jobs....right.

There are so many little things that make leaving the house in the morning something akin to scaling
Mt. Everest. In an attempt to apply my "jobs" idea to the morning hustle, I decided to itemize all of the little time-wasters and distribute them to my children as "jobs".

We have the "leash getter" i.e. the one who gets the leash for our dog's morning trip outside (That person is coincidentally, the "leash putter awayer" as well) There's also the "Bookbag filler" i.e. the one who puts the lunch boxes in each bookbag and zips them up. NOTE: I always make sure to check the Bookbag Filler's work because we did have an instance where a lunch was mistakenly NOT put into the bookbag, and I came home to a VERY pouty kid because they were subjected to the school lunch.

In total, we have about 6 jobs distributed amongst the two children. So far, they're pretty good about taking care of their responsibilites. As a bonus, every once in a while a day will pass when they don't pester me for a "prize" for doing their jobs.

So far we've seen two benefits....I'm getting out a few minutes earlier (aka on-time) and they're feeling more a part of the routine.

Now...if only I could get them to walk the dog, do the grocery shopping, wash and fold laundry, pay the bills, etc. etc. etc.

- The WM (aka Heidi)
WorkingMom@AccountantsForYou.com